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From time to time, I tend to think I’m the laziest girl alive, and that I should be doing something about it. Instead, to run from the feeling of failure and underperforming, I watch TV (as some people watch series on Netflix). In other words, I run from my emotions and go the easy way.
As this a pattern I’ve come to recognize through the years, I can now identify it when it appears. I usually begin by getting easily distracted on my daily work, losing my ability to focus for more than 15 minutes on typical tasks. I surf through my social networks more times a day than I can count, take more breaks, and with all that, comes the guilt.
The fears of being unproductive and not reaching the expectations people have on me (and that I have on myself) come to the surface.
Impostor syndrome
As an anxious person, it’s sometimes close to impossible not to feel the weight of the expectations we think the world has on us. I tend to think I’m not doing and being enough since I strive for a vague idea of perfection in everything I do. Simply put, I’m rarely satisfied with my performance or accomplishments.
However, that is usually not the idea other people have about me (I can be pretty demanding with myself). What people say about and to me, doesn’t match how I feel. That is when I feel like a fraud. An imposter, per se.
I looked it up, and it’s a thing – the imposter syndrome happens when people have an idea of you that you don’t feel in accordance with. Therefore, you’re in constant fear of being discovered and exposed, since sooner or later “they” will realize you’re a fraud.
Realizing my mind plays this particular pattern was kind of an “aha!” moment for me and has allowed me to act over it.
Being lost is underrated
My imposter syndrome frequently rises after a moment of laziness and under-accomplishment from me. However, I’ve come to conclude two things about my idle moments:
- First, being lazy doesn’t make me any less of anything. Laziness is profoundly incorporated in human nature, so it’s perfectly normal to feel it and cave into it sometimes;
- Generally, after the inertia, comes a moment when I feel lost and question myself more often. And I’ve to come to recognize it as a blessing.
Being lost is uncomfortable. You come to the realization you know nothing and are under no control. Well, you’re never in real control of anything but yourself, but people – including me – tend to forget that.
However, I believe being lost is totally underrated. Being lost is detecting you’re not sure where to go next, what do you want to do in the future, and you start re-thinking what is it that you want and like. Basically, it makes quit your autopilot attitude and question your choices.
When you question and open yourself to the possibility of trying new things, magic happens. You discover new things enjoy doing since you’re willing to see the world from another perspective. Once you admit you have no idea where to go, every path becomes a possibility.
In this moment of openness, you re-arrange your mind and growth occurs. You realize that by losing control, you get a hold of yourself.
The growth jump
That is why being lost leaves me with a feeling of thrilling anticipation.
Don’t get me wrong: it can be scary as hell. Human beings want the illusion of being in control to feel safe, and I’m no exception. Besides, society, in general, will judge you and make you think you’re wrong to feel lost. Often, it’s because they feel insecure too.
However, the times in which I felt more lost in life were followed by great growth jumps. I discover more about myself, and amazing things happen. Extraordinary growth awaits after a period of being lost since I consider so much more possibilities.
If I could give any advice, would be this: whenever you feel guilty for being lazy or lost, just be grateful. Try not to think of it as the end of the world. Instead, consider being lost as the beginning of something new and exciting. It’s okay to stop and re-think your next steps.
Although I’m not sure about the author, I have a quote in my mind the keeps making sense to this day ever since I saw for the first time: “When you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit”.
